after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Every concussion has its silver lining
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
