some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
