The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
