Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
