Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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