Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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