Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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