ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
