but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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