You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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