If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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