Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
