worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
God, I missed his penis.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
