she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
