it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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