Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
