strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
