he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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