somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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