Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
