so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
