the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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