I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
