The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
