I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
