Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
