Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
