i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
