i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
