There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
