We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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