Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
