Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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