I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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