Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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