just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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