So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
