I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
