This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
