dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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