That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
