Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She announced her abortion via fbk
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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