theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
