Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
