What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
