Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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