we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
