it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
