im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
