8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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