weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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