you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
