I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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