Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
