her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
