Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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