can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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