how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
